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Links for Carrying to Term

Other carrying-to-term support:

Abiding Hearts has lots of resources and practical help concerning your state of mind and emotional help carrying to term. Very very helpful site, highly recommended.

Abundance of the Heart provides spiritual inspiration from a Christian perspective. They also have a webring.

Waiting With Love offers some stories, lots of links, and sample birth plans. has a bulletin-board for going to term after a poor prenatal diagnosis.

Prenatal Diagnosis: Information and Real Life Stories is an ardently pro-life site about prenatal diagnosis and your options when the results are unhappy. Links to two excellent articles on prenatal diagnosis and how it affects our societal views/tolerance of disability in general. The site doesn't seem to have been maintained in a year, and emails to its creator/maintainer bounce back as undeliverable.

Kansas City Hospice has a perinatal hospice. Perinatal hospices are beginning to become more widespread but they are still pretty rare (you can read another article about them here). Children's Hospitals and Clinics network also offers perinatal hospice. (If you know of a perinatal hospice in your area, please email me and I'll include it here.)

Pregnancy Support:

The Midwife Archives are chock-full of ways to make sure you have the birth you want. Go there. Read everything. Discard the stuff you feel is too off-beat for you, of course, but keep in mind that some of these alternative approaches may make your birth easier. At the very least, it will empower you to make better decisions for yourself and your baby.

If you need to find another doctor because your doctor relentlessly pushes termination and dos not respect your decision, you can search the American Associaion of Pro-Life Obstetricians and Gynecologists for someone in your area.

If you need to find another doctor, you may also try Pro-Life Maternal-Fetal Medicine.

You can also try One More Soul to find a pro-life doctor of any speciality near you.

La Leche League International offers breastfeeding support. If your baby has a condition which may make feeding difficult, La Leche League may have tips specific to your situation. They aso have good information on how to donate milk. Their FAQ has an answer specifically about nursing special-needs babies.

The Couple to Couple League is my resource for Natural Family Planning information. Because they advocate large families, they know a lot about pregnancy. They also offer support for extended breastfeeding, nutrition, family beds, and homeschooling. They get heavy-handed at times, but if you can ignore that, their information is excellent.

Mailing List:

TheAgapeWay is an egroups mailing list, with the description: "To provide a safe haven for couples who are pregnant and are carrying their baby to term even though they know their baby will most likely die or if the baby has already died to discuss their feelings. This is a Christian forum, and our faith will be discussed openly, but anyone is welcome."

Anencephaly Support:

The Anencephaly Support Foundation. If you're lucky, this is the first place you went for information. They have some good information, many personal stories, and photographs of well-loved babies snug in their parents' arms.

Anencephaly Blessings From Above (fondly called ABFA) is a Yahoo! group which is specifically pro-life in its support of parents of anencephalics. You have to be a member of Yahoo! to join, but it's simple enough and it's free. Highly recommended. In fact, just go join right now.
Click to subscribe to anencephalyblessingsfromabove

Anencephaly Support is a private, smaller Yahoo! group, again pro-life, but it's also open to women who have chosen termination and now regret it.

Mourning Mommies is an MSN community. It's a mixed forum, so full-term versus termination issues are not best discussed there. For the most part, it's extremely supportive. offers many links to personal stories, full-term sites, and pro-life resources.

The Anencephaly web-ring has many many personal pages about anencephaly, most of them from the parents' point of view. In the case of anencephaly, the parents have more information than most doctors, so I found it helpful to visit the sites and learn for myself. There are many babies' stories and photos, and many pages of poetry as well.

This is an article about what hydranencephalics (think anencephalics with closed skulls) can perceive and feel. It gives you a good idea of what your baby may be able to experience.

Grief Support:

The National SHARE Office is a clearinghouse for infant loss resources. They're great. In addition to hooking you up with every applicable resource in your area and on the web, they have an excellent bi-monthly newsletter for parents suffering an infant loss. It's free (or used to be--check what the current guidelines are) for the first year after a loss; they were very kind and allowed me to start my free year after the diagnosis, rather than making me wait four months. They will also send you a catalog with all the best neonatal loss books in print.

The mailing list Cristin's Prayer is part of the Hopeful Women group. The women there are extremely supportive and helpful. The other groups are Hopeful Conceptions, Hopeful Pregnancies, and Hope Parenting Patners, each of which addresses issues specific to bereaved parents.

HAND is a recent find for me--and I highly recommend it! In fact, I wish I had found it when I was still pregnant and newly-bereavaed. Helping After Neonatal Death is a resource network of parents, professionals, and supportive volunteers that offers a variety of services throughout Northern California and the Central Valley. Of course, regardless of geography you can reach their web site, which has a lot of good, solid information about the grieving process and life after loss.

The Midwife Archives has an area specifically for pregnancy and neonatal loss, and I found it interesting to read about myself-generalized from a professional point of view.

The Compassionate Friends are a professional organzation dealing with neonatal loss. They come up frequently in the grief books I've read. I've heard that some local chapters won't be either compassionate or friendly until after your baby dies, but I've also heard that when they're good, they're very very good.

M.I.S.S. is good for parent-to-parent support, and in addition to lots of information about the grieving process, they have a newsletter, information about getting active in your community, and lots of links.

Tear Soup sells a book of the same title, and then lots of grief-related products. I'll refrain from making a sarcastic remark about some people making money off anything nowadays. I didn't buy anything from them; I did get some ideas, though, and implemented them on my own.

Centering Corp. is another professional grief-mill, but they have good info.

A Place To Remember has generalized grief support; you will find MANY links about pregnancy loss, but be warned in advance that they also have a line of products they sell.

Milk Banking:

This article on milk banking discusses everything you ever wanted to know about donating milk. Their website explains the process of becoming a milk donor, locations of milk banks, how the milk is used, and more. I highly recommend milk-banking.

Funeral Information:

Funerals and Ripoffs: This page is a bit...well, crazy...but I think in some respects they've got a point. (Further down the page they didn't go quite so crazy with the formatting.) Funerals and burials don't have to bankrupt a family. You might as well know the ways they'll try. They also provide a list of questions to ask the funeral director and some interesting information about how protective-seal caskets are the worst possible thing you can buy.

Here's a link to the Federal Trade Commission's guidelines regulating the funeral industry. I found it helpful.

I don't necessarily recommend purchasing a casket online, but you may want to print off the info from the online sellers just to have onhand. If the local funeral home tries to charge you $500 for a baby-sized casket, you have proof that they're overcharging you. One site I found was Casket Royale. The infant casket on this page is the Minaret II, and I was told it costs $80.


Please don't think I'm being flippant, but every so often you'll need a reprieve from dealing with the pain. One advantage of knowing so far in advance is that it doesn't hurt to slip into denial every so often. So if you want to look over a couple of really fun sites, take a break from being a bereaved parent and visit some of my favorites:

Diinzumo is the single reason this site ever managed to get online in the first place, and she helped me with a lot of the technical details of getting the pages not to look like garbage. (Any garbage in the text is my fault alone.) Visit her awesome website and learn about her nine years living as an American in Japan, her adventures getting her pilot's license, and her obsession with her favorite animated show (and mine too--check out her Condor shrine <sigh>) She's also an excellent artist!

The night after we got the diagnosis, I said I couldn't sleep, that I wanted to play Solitaire 'Till Dawn. My husband said, "I won't be able to sleep either." I said, "No, that's the name of the game." It's shareware, and it is very addictive when you're in crisis. If you're more into puzzle games, try Snood.

The other animated guy in my life is Vegeta from Dragonball Z. (Yes, he's a villain and totally arrogant. Swoon...) You can read all about him and visit the Shrine of Vegeta at the site that used to be called Vegeta Insane (from which I stole...I mean, borrowed his picture) but now is "Ginga GIRI GIRI!" You'll have to visit to find out what that translates as...



Please email me to pass along other organizations or websites, or to tell me of any broken links.